anniversary of what

i’m officially an adult
by that i mean that i’m on a budget
putting my electric bill before my bar fund
no more cable so i can pay my gas bill
i went to my mom’s sunday so she could
help me figure it all out
i’ve always had a roommate so bills
were easy now i have to make up for a whole person
i’m going to be scraping by
myself my mom and my step dad
were all figuring that i’d be getting
by with about 75 to spare a month
whoo hoo! …..
i need a new job and a roommate
i was about to cry, i bust my ass at work
12hr shifts 3 days a week no breaks ever
over 40hrs a week even on my days off i end up
having to go in and fix shit because i’m the only one
who can…
my step dad said he was really proud of me
and if i needed help he would do it no questions
because i was working hard not just blowing my money
like his kids do
my mom hugged me and said not to worry
then i did cry…right then i had a family
im thinking its going to be a long long time
before i come out to them
i know their love has conditions
and i probably deserve better
but i think its normal to want family
i haven’t called or messaged “anie”
she hasnt contacted me either though
its hard to talk to her and know
that theres a wall there
to actually know and sense that
once i didn’t know where i began and she ended
we were so close we were the same
and now…now its like i ran into a friend from high school
except i actually care about her
then if it gets personal she talks about a guy
this guy is such a douche-bag…ugh…
2 years ago today we got married
sure it wasn’t real but her calling me
everyday, calling me wifey…
how could i not fall in love
she took it there
do straight girls have fake weddings with their friends?
honestly do they?

~ by sagelfn on May 6, 2008.